Feeling Broken

Latley i have been feeling down not just cause of the holidays ok it also includes the Holidays! I know I'm not alone in this group. Which gives me courage to keep on keeping on!

it has been Nov 7th sence i was in the Er Univecity Hospital having kidney failure!! i have been feeling great too make a long story short all they had to figure out by all the tests they did it all led to kidney failure which was a blessng in desquise it was not about my heart, the heart is 2 be contnued. This Month in Dec I have to go in and do those Treadmil Test most of u prob know what that is, its not full they make u were these mouth piece and head piece and its so hard to walk with while u are trying to do your best to beat your score the last time i walked i didn't do well on the last one, especially after my kidney failure my Cardiology wanted me to come in and to do this test this will determine  he says heart valve in the begening of January 2014.  I am so trying hard to avoid this heart valve because i don't want them to oppen me up i already had been in my early child hood oppen heart surgry. 

 That was my fear, my cardiology reminded me there is a new way they put valves in through the leg groinde area ! amazing i thought, they only did that for patience like me, not just on everybody.  Dr k says i know how to do this surgery it will be a much better fit for u and the recovery will be alot smoother then doing open heart.

Fear has me with this surgery  it held on to me so tightly over the last few years almost every doctor visit.  But this time Dr K gave me lots of Hope and the one thing he said is that i would recover well less pain, more energy, feeling stronger healthier and longer life! 

Then the one thing doctor Kay said he will bring it up to the main board

 and to tell them about my health hystery and see if im qualify for that surgery he will do his best to make sure i get approve! another thing made me feel peaceful is that he will do it himself he wants me to feel great he dosn't look at me as a patient but as a person thats why he is so well loved coming from a Cardiology Doctor!"

so after i was home for a whole week from being in the hospital it was so wonderful because my fiance' was home for that week! 

then towards the end i cought what his dad had and i was sick for that fallowing week i had bronkitus the worst i ever had thank goodness i wasnt in the hospital again, but i did go to the er to get med's for getting my bronktis over with, and slowly but surly i did get over it.

as heart patience i have to be realy careful so that it doesnt turn in to phomonia i had  that too one year in 09 and brought me in the hospital again, heart patience like me just have to be careful i can't live in a buble because im still enjoying my life to the fullest as much as i can! by God's Grace and Guidence!

yes and the fallowing week of being sick with bronkitus i've been having leg cramps through out each night they would be so tense that it made me cry out to my mom as she is sleeping in her room.   So i delt with that and that was horible i never wish upon that with anyone!!!! Gods Loving care  he carried me through that tough week so basicly my thanksgiving week was not fun but yet cosey i was with mom and i we just enjoyed our company and watched holiday movies on the hall mark channel. my fave!

so our family in town we were supposed to join them but mom & I were really sick.  we wanted  to be with family so much and my cousin and her family drove to our house after the big dinner and gave us lots of yummy left overs!!! my bigest issue i deal with is feeling left out i really hate that feeling the most! am I the only one??

so i felt broken the last few months even this month . Dec because

my fiance is working in all the holidays this year :( and but the good news is he is driving home Christmas day! Which he arrives late in the night i'm praying he will have a head start!

So after going through all this Lords been letting me know gently its time to give up something i love for awhile! of course it was a fight with God and me, and guese who won God :) I have learned that when i fight with God i always loose.  He does that because He loves me. its hard to belive but the more u fight againts what God is calling u to do the longer u will struggle with fear/ doubt /anger/

Well, I have agreed quickly because if u prolong what ever God leads u to do we are the onse that deal with the words i put above, we may never know God's blessings he will have for us once we let go Let God.

So i was praying about letting go working with children for awhile the fear of my valve surgery comming up next . That fear is finally almost leaving me I have to let go let God even more.  I want to be able to do the things i love knowing i have Gods inssurance policy so to speak on my life, He has been wonderful councelor prince of peace and my protection. 
so i had to call my mops leader and to tell her i have alot of health issues that have arrived and i needed to stay well for my pasibly up comming valve surgery so it was extremly hard and sad to tell her i loved all the workers and leaders! i told her i would love to jump in again said start next year and they said let us know update us and they will put me in a class room! I felt so peaceful that God was taking charge of that phone call he was ahead of me again because i let go let Him take the lead. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do latley."

i would love to hear from you  please leave me a note thanks! please watch this vidio you are Gods master piece he designed u this will open your heart in a new way click on the blue link=)

God’s Chisel DVD DVD « The Skit Guys