So this is what a Real Relationship Feels like!!!!
Ever since the day we reunited & Purposed on Thanks Giving he and i have been inseparable like 2 peas in a pod. Someone once told me that if its true love how u know its real is when they don't want to leave your side and miss another day with out you and they make it there best to make it work not that we had to make ours work it just fell naturally like domino's on a track. Rob has a huge family mine is somewhat huge growing in time with our cousins getting married and moving on having children.
It's so nice to be able to my self and to have someone that God provided that i don't have to feel stressed and worried and totally be unequal with. I think that being unequal is a small sign of mentally abuse because from knowing my ex and how was was unequal was a big thing for me, so it was and did got really really worse off that's how it started with my ex.
So I am just amazed when i surrendered all my worries and concerns from my ex to the God that he had restored my life with bringing me my new best friend to marry to grow old with and to have lots of fun /laughter/adventures of course there will be pain sorrow but God says in Genesis's I will make a suitable helper he didn't say that to Adam I will make you a perfect God said Suitable helper for you.
So I have learned and grown so much by leaving an emotional mentally abusive man my ex I'm so grateful it wasn't physical but he had temper as well. With other things & still scared me So it took me courage to leave Gods courage helped me, and i was so troubled and scared i didn't know were to turn to so i didn't want to bore my friends of my usual troubles and i was covering it up making my husband at the time look good when he wasn't he was always helpful for everyone ells and loved everyone ells but not i at the time, so i had to be brave and tell my paster in a meeting of everything that's going on and what i c. So Paster had called him in on a meeting with the Deccan's and the Mistress and that Mistress was someone from my church who no longer goes there and she only went had her kids in kids classes, and she was in ours & her husband never came because was always working and out of town.
I had to get help. if u are struggling in a similar situation surrender to God and give him your concerns and trials and he is big enough to help you. it was embracing and hard for me to ask help i wanted my first marriage to last and be good one, and i just couldn't go on any more!! I was tired of being lied to and walked on and it was very hard on my heart since i was already been ill will stress, from him and it brought me so bad down to the Er a few times, stress does things to your heart and physical body it really can take over you and drown you if u don't ask for help .
Mom has always been there for me through thick and thin as a mom should be, and i was afraid to let her know what Ive been struggling with with my ex at the time. So I was brave and something happens that weekend after the past er called my ex in and the Mistress and the Mistress husband,
I was somewhat relieved and yet he was still talking with her and seeing her around town and having dinner and doing things when her husband was away with her... so i said one time as i came home who he was chatting with and i caught him in so many lies with other woman before her, this one was the hardest i couldn't place my thought on why and then it hit me like a two by four its because i know this woman and she was supposedly my friend at the time who i thought i liked being with and going on walks with and sharing my thoughts about my husband with since she was married.
So well Wrong that's why i was so so so struggling with my ex saying nothing has happens twice and we will always be close friends and i need to stop being so jealous of her. Well even more he was not respecting me as a husband should and the trust was really gone, was just fuming inside my souled and mind, while my mom was home, we had all lived with her he and i he was laid off his job, as i remember.
I re me,Ber he was saying to me "Carrie" I'm moving getting out your your moms" I said "pH really?? we never talked about it and were i haven't seen our new place yet." that's what i had said so i was really confused and dumbfounded and heartbroken he was staring at the computer in our room at moms place and he barley looked at me and said "you can come too if u want"
i thought what!!! is this man saying to me i was taken by surprised and hurt felt so small i wanted to scream at him, instead i just started, and i said of course i am were married ill come with u, why did he ask me! So just then his daughter came home and was in one of her moods, i don't know what happened, and this is all after the past er had a meeting with my ex and the Mistress, and her husband, so i thought things were stealing down after that meeting. God gave me a rush of peace and i felt Jesus standing there holding my hand giving me incredible comfort i said "Dan Its Over" i blurted it out and i said loud and Clear "I want a divorce I'm tired of being unequal and last on your list, and your unfaithfulness i have giving you many chances and clearly you told me you re done too so i want a divorce.
I felt a rush of calmness inside of me i felt dizzy i had to go out to the living room and jumped on the computer and watching TV while mom was there asking me questions about
what happens, so i said Dan and the kids took off, and he would come back for his things the next few days.
I felt so shaken up and shaky i had to sit my hands were shaky and we had both of us telling them to leave our house exceptionally that night. I felt a calm of peacefulness that only came from God, that he gave me those words loud and clear, that I had had it! i was Finished...
So it has been several years since then & God has restored my life & with his Hope to calm my fear
2 Timothy 1:7
it has been a emotional roller coaster ride and i had to find myself again with Gods confidence and provision he had provided me with a bunch of new wonderful friends at game night and getting into a part time job called MOPS mothers of pree school! i have done that for 7 years and i enjoy it because its not so overwhelming with hours and its every other week one day in the mornings.
it has been such a blessing and i started working at mops with my home church Fellowship Community Church, and when they needed less teachers they had less kids at the time God provided me a another wonderful Mops program @ Colorado Community Church"
This has been my second year. I actually start work this coming Friday morning i will be in my fave age group class which would be the challenging two year old!"
I also have learned what i like and accept the things i can't change and to accept what i can, the wisdom prayer.
I have been in many small group studies and focus my eyes on God himself as he gave me the courage that one crazy night. I felt peaceful and i never regret it since God gave me those words.
I have been involved in lots of sewing classes and sewing projects God has blessed me with positive people surrounding me, and from the ladies in my small group and the ladies in my Quilting groups.
God has blessed me restores my life with Bringing the man suitable for me, Robert Allen Barker.
These words above i love so much. Friends if you are in a marriage or relationship similar to the one i was in you think there is no way out there really is. God Restores you when u surrender. He will make a way out when u feel you are trapped he doesn't want to leave you there he wants to help you through, he wants your relationship your love to to turn back towards Him.
I know i know at times you don't want to hear these words when u are actually there too, you and me were at the blaming God stage friends Gods Love Mercy Grace is so strong and powerful its amazing u have too let go your self for him to guide u through, he wont take away he will walk you through he says My Peace I give you not as the World Gives.
let me give u a small revelation i had the other morning. I was playing my all time favorite game PAC man on my phone, yes i luv PAC man, remember the little ghost chasing after u as the PAC man,
that's house the past seems to me we are being chased after us in our dreams and every where we turn once we feel like the gist in PAC man tries to corner us and we try and sike him out one of them brakes away! and were free! we are not trapped any more, That's how God has shown me that when i felt like my ex and lies betrayal would go on and on and see no light there was light, Jesus did made a way for me, and he can really do the same for u friends its up to you....
because hear is a saying if you don't like the situation you are in change it!" its so true with our walk with God personal walk, we have to let go of the blame and surrender and to stop the nit picking attitude trust me Ive been there that's why i am saying this out loud.
Romans 8:28 all things work for good those who love Him,
I know gods plans doesn't make since trust me I've yelled at God many times I'm guilty of that too!
but were not suppose to be perfect we don't have to live under the law just live under Gods Grace.
because it is and feels so Refreshing.
memories come back to haunt us because that's just the world we live in those memories are not to torture us just to help us grow in faith and in our character and that others will be going through the same thing you are ..."
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