vidio by casting crowns "Somewere in the middle"

Feeling Broken

Latley i have been feeling down not just cause of the holidays ok it also includes the Holidays! I know I'm not alone in this group. Which gives me courage to keep on keeping on!

it has been Nov 7th sence i was in the Er Univecity Hospital having kidney failure!! i have been feeling great too make a long story short all they had to figure out by all the tests they did it all led to kidney failure which was a blessng in desquise it was not about my heart, the heart is 2 be contnued. This Month in Dec I have to go in and do those Treadmil Test most of u prob know what that is, its not full they make u were these mouth piece and head piece and its so hard to walk with while u are trying to do your best to beat your score the last time i walked i didn't do well on the last one, especially after my kidney failure my Cardiology wanted me to come in and to do this test this will determine  he says heart valve in the begening of January 2014.  I am so trying hard to avoid this heart valve because i don't want them to oppen me up i already had been in my early child hood oppen heart surgry. 

 That was my fear, my cardiology reminded me there is a new way they put valves in through the leg groinde area ! amazing i thought, they only did that for patience like me, not just on everybody.  Dr k says i know how to do this surgery it will be a much better fit for u and the recovery will be alot smoother then doing open heart.

Fear has me with this surgery  it held on to me so tightly over the last few years almost every doctor visit.  But this time Dr K gave me lots of Hope and the one thing he said is that i would recover well less pain, more energy, feeling stronger healthier and longer life! 

Then the one thing doctor Kay said he will bring it up to the main board

 and to tell them about my health hystery and see if im qualify for that surgery he will do his best to make sure i get approve! another thing made me feel peaceful is that he will do it himself he wants me to feel great he dosn't look at me as a patient but as a person thats why he is so well loved coming from a Cardiology Doctor!"

so after i was home for a whole week from being in the hospital it was so wonderful because my fiance' was home for that week! 

then towards the end i cought what his dad had and i was sick for that fallowing week i had bronkitus the worst i ever had thank goodness i wasnt in the hospital again, but i did go to the er to get med's for getting my bronktis over with, and slowly but surly i did get over it.

as heart patience i have to be realy careful so that it doesnt turn in to phomonia i had  that too one year in 09 and brought me in the hospital again, heart patience like me just have to be careful i can't live in a buble because im still enjoying my life to the fullest as much as i can! by God's Grace and Guidence!

yes and the fallowing week of being sick with bronkitus i've been having leg cramps through out each night they would be so tense that it made me cry out to my mom as she is sleeping in her room.   So i delt with that and that was horible i never wish upon that with anyone!!!! Gods Loving care  he carried me through that tough week so basicly my thanksgiving week was not fun but yet cosey i was with mom and i we just enjoyed our company and watched holiday movies on the hall mark channel. my fave!

so our family in town we were supposed to join them but mom & I were really sick.  we wanted  to be with family so much and my cousin and her family drove to our house after the big dinner and gave us lots of yummy left overs!!! my bigest issue i deal with is feeling left out i really hate that feeling the most! am I the only one??

so i felt broken the last few months even this month . Dec because

my fiance is working in all the holidays this year :( and but the good news is he is driving home Christmas day! Which he arrives late in the night i'm praying he will have a head start!

So after going through all this Lords been letting me know gently its time to give up something i love for awhile! of course it was a fight with God and me, and guese who won God :) I have learned that when i fight with God i always loose.  He does that because He loves me. its hard to belive but the more u fight againts what God is calling u to do the longer u will struggle with fear/ doubt /anger/

Well, I have agreed quickly because if u prolong what ever God leads u to do we are the onse that deal with the words i put above, we may never know God's blessings he will have for us once we let go Let God.

So i was praying about letting go working with children for awhile the fear of my valve surgery comming up next . That fear is finally almost leaving me I have to let go let God even more.  I want to be able to do the things i love knowing i have Gods inssurance policy so to speak on my life, He has been wonderful councelor prince of peace and my protection. 
so i had to call my mops leader and to tell her i have alot of health issues that have arrived and i needed to stay well for my pasibly up comming valve surgery so it was extremly hard and sad to tell her i loved all the workers and leaders! i told her i would love to jump in again said start next year and they said let us know update us and they will put me in a class room! I felt so peaceful that God was taking charge of that phone call he was ahead of me again because i let go let Him take the lead. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do latley."

i would love to hear from you  please leave me a note thanks! please watch this vidio you are Gods master piece he designed u this will open your heart in a new way click on the blue link=)

God’s Chisel DVD DVD « The Skit Guys  

google what the next plans doctor has for me Bring it on im not afraid

Doctors also can use ultrasound during cardiac cauterization to see 
blockages in the coronary arteries. Ultrasound uses sound waves to create detailed pictures of the heart's blood vessels.

Doctors may take samples of blood and heart muscle during cardiac cauterization or do minor heart surgery.

Cardiologists (heart specialists) usually do cardiac catheterizing in a hospital. You're awake during the procedure, and it causes little or no pain. However, you may feel some soreness in the blood vessel where the catheter was inserted.

Cardiac cauterization rarely causes serious complications.


Cardiac cauterization also might be used if your doctor thinks you have a heart defect or if you're about to have heart surgery. The procedure shows the overall shape of your heart and the four large spaces (heart chambers) inside it. This inside view of the heart will show certain heart defects and help your doctor plan your heart surgery.

Sometimes doctors use cardiac cauterization to see how well the heart valves work. Valves control blood flow in your heart. They open and shut to allow blood to flow between your heart chambers and into your arteries.

Your doctor can use cardiac cauterisation to measure blood flow and oxygen levels in different parts of your heart. He or she also can check how well a man-made heart valve is working and how well your heart is pumping blood.

If your doctor thinks you have a heart infection or tumor, he or she may take samples of your heart muscle through the catheter. With the help of cardiac cauterization, doctors can even do minor heart surgery, such as repair certain heart defects.


please pray for Doctors wisdom this is there next step for me so that i can have more blood flow and be allot stronger more energy!!!"

A Heart Like Mine part 2

                            5 months ago my heart was getting really week and my left side not working to well the doctors were telling me my left side was week very week . 32%:( the doctors I have are wonderful they are very smart and he knows all my med's by heart and how much i take . 

he also has three offices at Colorado University hospital and he also works at Children's with kids who have heart patients.

Lately I have been feeling dizzy and drowsy i just wanted to sleep and sleep and even if I get up slowly I still felt that dizziness.
I was was not motivated to do anything and i just couldn't bring back any atheism what so ever! so i just wanted to sleep. So I rarely drank liquids and ate .  Sometimes when your that sick u just can't.

Nov 7 I was in the bathroom one minute I just fell hit my head on the bath tub and corner of the wall and the dustpan that was lying there yes the dust pan broke my fall lol. Mom heard me scream and came rushing in! We were both scared!

So I fell hit my head on the wall so I'm so great full there was nothing more./ blacked out it took me a few minutes to wake up.  

Mom called my nurse and rushed me into Er and since I'm a heart patient they got me in so fast!!! 
I had to do EKG, ex ray , blood test
and two hours they brought  me to my own room.!  i had such a beautiful view! it was awesome. That part of it all. lol

• I didn't want to head to the Er knowing i was going to stay for a few days & i was right
• 4 days & 3 Nights.

The First results came back saying it was leading to kidneys i was having kidney failure! I didn't even realize or new any of the signs, the set me up with 4 bags of Selene fluids my kidneys were shriveling up so bad the meds i had were drying them out and that's were my dizzy spells and blacked out came from!

I was relived it wasn't my heart Dr Kay says we are still checking in on that area.

I had many people praying for me I was so blessed by that i was so nervous it was about my heart that the doctors would say ok miss Carrie we need to rush you into surgery!

that never did happen what happen was my doctor Kay said your heart is imaproving but we wont know by how much until later! but now all these Medicines all were too much for my body and that's why it was making me have kidney failure ! but 5 months ago my heart needed all those Medications! so that was a hint to me that my heart is improving from 32% and what ever the results may be now! by the way still waiting i will now after thanksgiving. :) 

so all it was my kidneys got hydrated and i was able to leave the hospital after 3 days! i was so relived so was mom! :)

mom was there for me every morning till  evening and she read to me of the book were reading together.

My last night there at the Hospital my father in law surprised me came to visit me! and stayed for a few hours and it was so good to see him come into my room. 
he got us laughing and talking and my nurse came into to check on me, and my nurse over heard our talk how God took away my father in laws cancer after all his radiations he had went through my nurse said out loud "I'm a believer in Christ too I am also a Cancer survivor ! "
So while she was helping me get out of the bed /bathroom she told me she is a Christian also and her family and her few months ago went to Israel and walked were Jesus walked and it was so amazing when they heard sermons of Jesus teaching were they were standing on those grounds it was incredible! 

I told her what happened to me 2009 when I had my pacemaker defibulater surgery. i was in pain and my arms were st raped together as i woke in my room i was in so much pain i had to reach the nurse button but i couldn't because my arms were together so i couldn't break any of the stitches. 
so I lade there crying frustration built in me and pain and i had to use the  bathroom well i prayed to God with all my heart and in a very quit room I heard Jesus voice loud in clear in my heart....
I said to my Nurse Megan what He had told 
me!  "my child i am hear by your side and holding your hands i will never leave you i am hear by your side. my child don't look away'
I told Meg my Nurse and those were the song that the Christian band just came out with anat that time 2009 and those are the words Jesus told me and then ten minutes later my blood presure went really down fast,  then one of the nurses happen to see it and came rushing in to help me to get comfy and pain reliefe and bathroom time! 
my nurse says wow that gives me chills and awesome testomy ! i said " i know i feel Gods peace since ive been back in hear in the hospital i never had one single panic attack. 
i felt comfort when people say there praying God uses prayer to reach the one there praying for!!!!
always remember that never give up praying.
I knew that was the Lord making my blood presure go down so i can get pain relief !!!
i will never for get the words i heard in my heart that day!! that was in 2009!

So my friends & familiy came to be with mr at all times  it was such a blessing!l

            To my surprise all of them showed up!!! The ones who could! And the oncevwhobdidjtvcalledvon mevavfew times and these close friends wanted to bring the game night to me at the hospital !!!? I was just getting tired and then I heard them all comming from down the hall into my room !

                    The leaders of game night brought a few games and we all went to the guest area were we had chairs and tables to sit and a wonderful view ! that is me in the wheel chair holding on to my bear that my fiance' surprised me with our first christmas"

These men in the group are my brothers in Christ all of them we pray together and laugh / cry in our group it's a joy to have this group! 

It's been a week and two days since I've been home from the hospital and feeling much better this was all out of my hands am now that my heart improved I won't know how my much until the Monday before thanksgiving! 

I had went in there for them to draw lab work and last tues my kidneys are back to good and the lower dosage on meds does me wonders!

 I can get so much done without feeling dizzy / drowsy ! I'm praising God with all my heart that he really is taking care of the insides of me hat no one Ell's sees!

Jesus will do the same for you as well.

My fave Quote

Speed Bumps and pot holes oh know!!!!

Crood's

well i had another wonderful week with my fiance' being home again from work.  if you can keep in your prayers for his company where he works at is oppening up another job office oil field work company in Chyanne!!! this really has to be a God thing because he can't ask to go and he can't beg to go because other workers have done the same and they let them go because they were winning to to go to 

the new office!!! Can u believe they are so strict and serious which i can imagine, but if we are motivited to pray pray pray for my fiance' job i know God will provide and continue to bless his honest work,  and the way the government shut down on most people have lost there jobs my heart goes out to them, as well.  

God gives us as believers responsibility to pray for our leaders & continue to pray. I am at fault of not doing that my self we get so wrapped up in our own lives with family members friends co workers our jobs! in some ways i miss working allot full time, i miss having my own class room and staying at a job 8 hours a day.  

I had to let go let God when i couldn't work anymore 2009 doctors saying i had to be on disability and not to over due my self and work my way back in to the hospital as i done before,!:( that was the most horrible experiance i have ever went through, i remember so well i was was depressed for the first few years i had to create my life all over again and that was very hard to do so i let go Let God re create my own life, and routine, I miss having a routine. and having a place to be at certain times! 

God has used other people and friends/family input advice in my life to help me get going, that's how i started to quilt!!! they say just try different hobbies and classes and get a feel the way i would love to work on things with my hands.  

So Quilting I got hooked on and I was amazed:)! I started learning from my mom and we enjoy our time together and yes as an adult we still have  our mother daughter moments overall its very good working together and living together helping each other out!!!

I started taking tuns of classes meeting new people/ friends and just starting to enjoy life again feeling more and more healthy and adding new things to my world!!!! 

don't worry i have a point to my rambling on moments. 

so my fience' boss took chunk of money out and was getting big bonuses for him self since the holidays are coming around the corner. I have learned not just his company but most companies do and start laying off right around the holidays.  Which is heart breaking. why would leaders/bosses do that just so they can have more bonuses for there family?? i just don't understand.  

Just one of those things that i have to continue to trust God's will for my life and ours as things like that comes our ways.

just another speed bump in the road.! :( but helps us to grow closer in our walk with God each day!!!!

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So my fiance and mother in law we watch the crood's the other night! it was SO good and there is a lot of truths out of that Disney movie that i never noticed before the first time saw!! to make a story short they were cavemen family, they didn't have materialistic things like we do today, and they had to provide to stay alive and to travel and go to a place were there is food, i wont say the ending its such a heart warming story that you must buy or rent the dvd buy if u see it for $5 dollar DVDs that's the only time i buy movies...! 
so the dad in this family is afraid of the light and keeps his family in the cave there so use to the darkness that they are so fearful of the light. Eave the girl /daughter is desperate for the light, she is desperate for a change, she is desperate to be different she is willing to stand out and even if she disobeys her dad.  

so the father of eave keeps saying to the family do not be afraid!! i will protect you if u listen to my boundaries and instructions! Do not be Afraid of the journey.... he keeps telling his family if u just fallow me and trust me i will get us there safely!!!" (it was a love relationship that he was longing for) just as God as our heavenly father longs for our relationship with him, he longs for us to trust him and to not to be afraid of the journey in life he gives us each one of us,   
2 be continue...."

so i just wanted to share i had have a major speed bump in my world i know its not a big deal to the crises we have in this world but a week and half ago i did something to my knee i couldn't go anywhere or do any sewing my pain was a throbbing 5 or 7 on the scale. yes i had to baby my knee and take care of it as often as it would hurt and take it easy. I think i slept on it funny or got out of bed the wrong way but buy the grace of God its so much better day two no pain and walking a little easier!!!!!! my ib pro fin and heating pad was my best friend the last week and half, i was so upset with myself i wanted to jump into my piano lessons again and continue on with my quilting projects!!!! i was so frustrated, God had to teach me to slow down and He surly did!"
so as i remember the movie the croods which is now my all time fave the more i thought of it the more God revealed himself to me through some verses that i want to share i hope u don't mind if i do...."

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Matthew 5: 13
Jesus says let me tell you why u are hear. you're to be salt seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. if u loose your saltiness how will people taste godliness you lost your use fullness"  
someone once explained that when we cook with food for those salt lovers we use salt in our cooking especially BBQ if u don't have salt its tasteless and others will not care for what u have cooked as much!!! usually when i boil spaghetti i sprinkle some salt in the water and close the lid and it starts boiling faster. (salt is being useful!)
14:16 
you are to be light bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept! were going public with this as a city on a hill if i make light -barriers don't think I'm going to hide it under a bucket I'm putting u on a light stand! now that i put u on the hill top on a light stand shine always keep open house be generous with your lives by opening up to others! you'll prompt people to look close walk with heavenly father"
wow there is some encouraging words from Jesus right there, God saying what we go through is a light to show others we rely on God himself in our lives today!!!!"
going back to the movies the crood the father in the movie keeps his family in the dark and is afraid of the light.
so Job 24-13-17
then there are those who avoid the light at all costs who scorn the light filled path when the sun goes down the murder is up kills the poor and robs the defenseless burglars do there work at night but will keep well out of sight through the day" 
 God gives us some encouraging words already in this dark world that has lots of speed bumps and pot holes and we need to show others not to be afraid of the light and to keep your light lamps on high.
My Fiance' works in a oil field with crude men and all about talking trash being unfaithful to there wives and going out to the bars while there not working,going to bards and drinking. 
when my fiance and i are home together in our quiet time my prayer for him that he may be the light on the hill for those men. That he  is different because of his joy walk with God and faith that Rob has.  We always have our prayer time together more then once which is so refreshing.  My ex did care to have prayer time or to walk often about God, and   he wasn't full grounded in his walk! I haven't not seen many fruits when it came to my ex.  
we don't need to be afraid of the light and be different because god will reward our lives at the end.  some times pot holes helps us focus on the blessings in life when its hard to wait for our plans to come together,  
Jer 19:11 for i know the plans i have for u declares the lord plans to keep u prosper and safe and not to harm u"
Romans 8:28 all things work together for the glory of God for those that love Him"
if u haven't seen the movie the croods its worth buying it ! and think about the message the movie shares its a great family Disney movie and worth buying it.  its great teaching your family not to be afraid of the light and going on this journey life that God provides along the way until he calls us home or comes to get us:))

fear is leaving !feeling awesome 12/13/2013

Feeling Super Fear is Leaving!!

Yesterday was a hard long day 

at the  hospital just for one 

little poke in the in and out 

labs 

feeling super

Options for this story

My labs for my kidneys shows it 

80%  

better !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

They I look good an they say no 

valve  surgery because so 

risky! They will 

be talking about the next plan 

in 3 

months when I do the tread 

mill test 

& Echo!!! I'm really happy with my 

80%:)   

my main doctor Cardiology Dr K 

says we got to do something soon so I 

can feel better stronger/ and more 

energy!" That's what i want believe 

me!!  My Friends my blog if u

haven't noticed its about my passion 

Quilting and a Hear Like mine!" 

Dear readers this is also a journal of

of my health history so  if anyone of 

comes to my blog read my world 

about me i pray that if they have 

children with allot of health 

hystory 

like i have  that i pray God will 

use me 

to motivate there hope in the ever 

lasting arms, because that's how i was 

able to go through trials day to day!" 

 other wise i never want to get out of 

bed and just feel sorry for my self. 

 Nope that's not me, i always bounce 

back I  don't let any one hold me 

'

down <3"

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my nurse notes i keep a journal from 

now on when i go to my 

appointments 

its so much easier to see how far i 

was able to get better! 

My nurse notes says

1.) your labs are much better up to

 80% since the last labs on 11/25!/03"

2.) new Plan is No Medicines changes thank u Lord!

3.)they want me back in in 3 Months 

to do a vo2 treadmill test & Echo

 with my nurse or to see Doctor Kay 

4.) considering those results 

they might  consider  scedual  

 another cardiac cath to see if we can

improve my Pulmonary blood

 flow!"  

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 each time i may need to have

 something done God always has 

something ells in store for me, but if i 

really do have to have the 

pulmonary 

blood flow the cardiac Cathe I'm 

ready 

for it that would be an in out 

day 

presured my fave

doctor Kay 

can do this i will feel even 

more less 

nervous and less fear....  :))

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